I’ve been looking over the few posts that I do have on this site and I’ve noticed a disturbing trend. Well the trend is disturbing to me. It seems about once a year I revisit this blog and try to start-up again. I make excuses and lame assertations that I’m going to start-up again. I write a post or two and then fade way for another year. Kind of lame.

Now, to be fair, several of the posts are pretty good. I take my time and try to make a point. I have a bit of style and class. Not a lot, mind you, but a bit. I really think part of the problem is I’m not sure what I want to do with this blog. I started it to give myself a place to vent and try to wrap my mind about what was going on with my life. The problem is, I’m never sure exactly what is appropriate to put on the page.

I wish I could be as prolific as my brother. Not only does he keep a blog, he keeps at least two up to date as far as I’m following. In addition to that he is presently working on a new novel as a part of NaMo, an annual contest where people have only the month of November to write an entire month. I can’t even get myself to finish a short story, or a blog, for goodness sake. He has participated a number of times.

To be perfectly fair, again, my job does require me to write quite a bit. In the last couple of months I’ve written at least two papers, fifteen reports of various lengths, and a dozen or so briefings. On top of that, I’ve also coordinated and critiqued the works of several others. So I’ve been prolific in my professional life but rather lack in my personal writing life.

It’s not like I’m lacking for ideas. There are at least two or three stories running around my head. Or rather there are bits and pieces of a couple of stories running around my head. Little bits and medium size bits. I can’t make connections between some of the bits though. Some I have a scene or a beat or even an image but I don’t necessarily know where they start or where they are going to end up.

Sometimes I wish I could be more like my wife. She just lets her muse flow and, as she puts it, vomits all over the page. She just sits at the computer and listen to what her muse says and seems to transcribe it to the page. Often she doesn’t know where it’s leading her and is surprised as to where she ends up.

I’ve tried to actually incorporate that at work. I’ll get stuck on the right word, or the correct turn of phrase to get my point out. Usually that stops me dead in my tracks. Or I’ll have the right word , phrase, or even whole sentence and I can’t write or type fast enough to get it on the screen. Then I can lose part of it and the sentence just doesn’t feel write anymore.

Well I’ve tried to let myself just move on. Just put a word in there that covers what I mean even if it’s not right. I can always go back later and rewrite. Get the majority of my thoughts out there and go back to rewrite. It doesn’t need to be perfect the first time out.

I think that’s what I’m trying to do with this site. Get my thoughts out there and work my creativity. It doesn’t need to be perfect. It doesn’t even need to be dramatic or important. It can just be the best effort I have. It can be a step in the direction I need to go. I think that’s why I keep revisiting my blog and trying to start again.

So round and round and round I go. Hopefully something will stick this time. Either with me or with you.