I started this blog a little over 8 years ago. I was a long way from home and very different than I am today. It was supposed to be a way for me to keep in touch with people back home and help me to conceptualize what I was going through and how I felt about the situations in which I found myself. I did not do a very good job keeping up with my writing and barely posted anything. Let alone anything I thought was worthwhile.
I tried to revive the blog a couple of times. Made, what I felt at the time, where halfhearted attempts to create some meaningful content. Meaningful content, at least for me. Even if no one else read, let alone subscribed to, the meanderings I attempted to put to virtual paper. It was me trying to keep something of one of my dreams – and how I saw myself – alive.
The most recent revival happened just over a year ago. I changed the format up, tidied up the web page and expanded what I was trying to accomplish with the site. I hoped to give myself a little more room to be creative and keep my writing skills fresh. Maybe even challenge me to try new things. New things both in the sense of what I wrote and the risks I took putting my opinions and thoughts out to the world.
If anyone bothered to look.
To my surprise, and not a little bit of astonishment, people did bother to look. Some even thought enough of what I was working on, or were masochistic enough to subscribe and keep coming back to see what new absurdities and connections I had penned. To those who keep coming back and the individuals who still stumble on my sight, I am very grateful and truly appreciate you stopping by, liking my posts, and even – occasionally – taking your valuable time to comment.
So at the end of this year, as we look at beginning a new decade which far outstrips most of the dates in the speculative science fiction with which I grew up (Back to the Future and Bladerunner happening solidly in our collective past now), I find myself staring at yet another dearth of writing on my site.
It has been 3 months since I have posted anything. Slightly longer than that since I wrote anything substantive for the site. Oh, I’ve gotten the shells of both fiction and non-fiction reviews saved in the files. There are also a couple blogs sitting in the opinion section as well awaiting conversion from papers. But as far as actual word count? I have not written a single syllable – let alone a word or, the stars forbid, an actual phrase.
When I realized I had been this remiss and first started contemplating the structure for yet another blog where I talked about restarting, reviving, or reworking the blog I felt saddened, forlorn and a bit disappointed. I had let myself slide and failed myself. Worse, I had failed the few people who had taken the time to read and possibly invest themselves. Invest themselves as I have invested myself in the work of other bloggers, vloggers, and other social media posters. Creators whose contributions I appreciate, enjoy, and hope to encourage through my participation.
That was my initial thought.
I have gone through a lot, though, in the past year. My life has changed considerably in the past 14 months. It has changed even more radically in the last three. These months have not sat idle and I have not fritted them away accomplishing nothing and contributing even less.
In the last three months I have read eight books (even if I haven’t gotten around to reviewing them yet). One of the short stories I am working on has grown several thousand words and I have started the structure of two additional tales. I have continued to work on both my skills in photography (check out my Instagram account to decide for yourself how I’m doing) and videography (hopefully my YouTube channel will be fully up and running next year). A chapter of one career has finished and reverted to its original form. And my previous career has begun a new episode.
Most importantly of all, I have started the final phase of preparing my child for the beginning of their own life. (The feat I am most proud of, almost as proud as I am of them.)
Other, deeper structural changes have taken place as well. These changes have closed what I thought my life was going to be but have opened new areas I can explore.
I think most people hit moments like this in their lives. Moments where they felt adrift and unproductive. A time when the plans they want to create seem overtaken or sidelined by the situation at hand. We can get complacent and depressed. Feel we are not progressing or even our lives have taken an about face to an era we thought we had escaped.
When we stop though – just for a moment – and breath deep and look at where we are, where we want to be, where we think we’re going, and what is – actually – ahead, I think we can be more positive. All those plans we have formulated; the shores of reality dash them only if we hold on to them too hard. When we fail to look at everything we have accomplished and how we can add these new pieces to the mosaic we lay, that is when we fail.
The new pieces are not a destruction of who we are and where we’re going. Those are the keys to creating something new – and maybe better, if we can have the flexibility to see the new patterns the universe has offered us.
So, at the end of this month, this year, and this decade I find that this blog, like my life, is not in need of a revamp. It just is. I hope I can see the new pieces of the puzzle that make up the existence that took place around me while I planned a different course.
I also hope that if you took the time to stop and bother to read my meandering thoughts you could take something good away from them. I hope you see your own path for the hope and promise it presents as you move forward into whatever life has in store for you.